Post #2: And The Award Goes To…

Big-name movie awards, as you know if you’ve followed previous iterations of this blog, are almost always wrong about almost everything.

For example, the Motion Picture Academy (as expressed in a recent tirade to a friend of mine) has a history of shunning horror. There’s an exception here and there when something overwhelmingly can’t be ignored like Get Out. According to Hollywood Reporter, only six horror movies have been nominated for Best Picture, and only Silence Of The Lambs won.

Lotsa folks (like me) don’t even consider Silence Of The Lambs to be a horror movie so much as a police procedural with serial killers. It’s like calling the Law & Order shows horror (the corollary is folks who call Saving Private Ryan the most disturbing horror movie they’ve ever seen. They’re not wrong).

But often (not always) the award names themselves are irritating and somewhat precious.

#8 Oscar
I truly despise this story. Oscar stands for absolutely nothing. The legend goes that Academy executive secretary, Margaret Herrick, said it reminded her of her “Uncle Oscar.” So Uncle Oscar looks like a skinny, faceless dude covered in gold? Weird.

#7 Tony
At least Tony is short for something: Antoinette. As in Antoinette Perry. Great. Who the hell was that you might ask. Turns out she was a heavy hitter–actress, director, producer, industry leader. Huh. I had no idea. Indeed that’s my shortcoming, but surely I’m not the only one.

#6 Emmy
Like Tony, Emmy is short for something. Sort of. It’s named for a piece of equipment, an Immy, short for image orthicon (a camera tube). Bit of a stretch but, okay, I’ll go along.

#5 Grammy
Oh I get it. Music. Records. Old record players. Gramophone. That’s clever I guess. Better than Emmy at least.

As multi-genre awards go, this one makes the most sense, BAFTA being an acronym for British Academy of Film and Television Arts.

#3 Saturn
Now we get into some genre- specific stuff that starts to make sense. The Saturn is awarded by the Academy Of Science Fiction, Fantasy, And Horror Films. Cuz “in space, no one can hear you scream.”

#2 Rondo Hatton Classic Horror Award
Cult horror icon Rondo Hatton was a bit actor and one-time sportswriter noted for his distinctive facial features and known for playing thugs, heavies, and in the last few years of his life, horror figures like The Creeper and The Brute Man.


#1 Chainsaw Award
This is #1 partly for the name, partly because they’re awarded by Fangoria, but mostly because they’re voted on by Fangoria’s readers. I look forward every year. And who doesn’t love a chainsaw?

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