Remakes are nothing new, and every now and then, something comes along that improves on or even eclipses the original. Think of stuff like Chuck Russell’s The Blob, John Carpenter’s The Thing, or Philip Kaufman’s Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. However, this is often not the case, and over the past decade or so the horror genre has seen a big ol’ influx of remakes. Frequently these are badly done and come off mainly as cynical cash grabs.
Today’s post, then, does exactly what it says on the tin. For every Nick Cage Wicker Man, there’s an equivalent of Cronenberg’s The Fly. So here’s a list of 12 movies I think are dying for a remake/reboot along with the directors I’d love to see tackle them. This is not to suggest there’s necessarily anything wrong with the originals–far from it. It’s just fun to wonder. I mean, a person can dream..
1) The Abominable Dr. Phibes, Darren Lynn Bousman- Think back to Saw II-IV. How great would it be to see an over-the-top dark version of Dr. Phibes? With Malcolm McDowell replacing Vincent Price?
2) Deadly Friend, Lucky McKee- I wish I’d thought of this 20 years ago. Think about Angela Bettis in May. How great would she have been in this?
3) Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde, Guillermo Del Toro- As someone who successfully sees and brings forth both the humanity in the monster and the monstrous in the human, he could provide a fascinating take on this.
4) The Exorcist, James Wan – I know. I know. How dare I suggest someone even touch Friedkin’s masterpiece? But how cool would it be to have a Conjuring kinda vibe at work in The Exorcist?
5) Heavy Metal, Rob Zombie- Hear me out. There is some damn funny sick and sophomoric humor in Heavy Metal and in Zombie’s Firefly trilogy and in 31. Between that and The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto, I’d love to see what Rob Zombie brings to Heavy Metal. Plus, just think of the soundtrack!
6) Invasion Of The Body Snatchers, Jordan Peele- Difficult it would be indeed to top the definitive, gold standard 1978 version of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers, but if anyone could pull if off, it would be Jordan Peele. He’s already proven himself a dab hand at the identity-stealing concept, so why not go right to the source.
7) Motel Hell, Eli Roth- Why the fuck not? Cabin Fever, Hostel, Green Inferno–what better chance to have a weird little family of cannibal farmers fling around some gore?
8) Night Of The Creeps, James Gunn- If you’re thinking about Guardians Of The Galaxy, stop. Now turn the clock back almost a decade to Slither. I mean, one could argue that Slither is already super loosely based on Night Of The Creeps anyway, so why not just remake it outright?
9) The Other, Veronika Franz & Severin Fiala- Long before Goodnight Mommy there was The Other. Both deal with evil children, but that’s only the tip of the iceberg. And that’s all I’m gonna say.
10) Rosemary’s Baby, Ari Aster- Sweet baby jeebers I hated Rosemary’s Baby, and not just because Polanski is an absolute dirtbag predator and should be castrated with a fork. Aster has clearly mastered culty weirdness, so let’s have him take a shot at Rosemary’s Baby. The worst that could happen is that it could end up being less boring.
11) Shivers, The Soska Sisters- These two know their way around some body horror. First of all, I love love love American Mary. Second, they’ve done justice to one Cronenberg movie already, Rabid. Shivers is right up their alley.
12) The Stepford Wives, Anna Biller- Whether you like the movie or not, The Love Witch is captivating and beautiful to look at. So let’s see Biller bring that gorjuiceness to a place that’s all about appearance–the idyllic suburb of Stepford.
Ah what the hell, I love the number 13. Let’s go ahead and make it a baker’s dozen.
13) The Wicker Man, Ben Wheatley- Sure, the original is fantastic and already bizarro enough, but come on. Imagine Wheatley bringing A Field In England’s brand of weirdness to this freaky little table.
And there you have it, remake heaven. Let me know your deep, dark remake fantasies in the Comments. Maybe there will even be a Part II.