Okay, so sometimes things get a little overwhelming here at Castle Blogferatu. This is one of those times. There is just too much going on, there was no time to check out a movie to review today, and none of my list ideas are particularly appealing. There’s a stack of essays to grade, and it’s shaping up to be a long damn afternoon.

But Blogferatu is one of my few highlights of any given day, and I did set this challenge to write 365 posts in a year, so I had to at least come up with something. Lo and behold, the universe has smiled upon me and delivered a kind of salvation or at least a brief reprieve.

This morning, I stumbled across this thing:

Just take a few moments and drink this in. Let the artistry flow over you. I don’t know if this is real or not. If it’s not, it’s hilarious. I, however, choose to believe it’s real. I have to. Because it’s joyous. Oh sure, it says made in California, but I’m not buyin’ that for a second. No this came from somewhere out there in like Zhejiang Province and was cynically marketed to cover as much horror territory as they could fit on the pack. I mean come on–Texas Chainsaw label, Jason picture, Blair Witch description, Victor Crowley listed as Contents, Michael Myers dressed as Pinhead.

It’s glorious. I want one so bad.

The only thing I’ve seen in recent memory that was worse than this was at a party store one Halloween:

Where does one even start? Where do you go once Deliverance comes to mind? Okay, well maybe “The National Anthem” episode of Black Mirror, but still. Certainly gives a whole new meaning to such phrases as “bring home the bacon,” “ham it up,” “pulled pork,” or “pork bbq.” Or perhaps Barbie-Que. I have no idea who finds this sexy, but hey I’m not here to judge. If this helps, uh, “cure” a little, well, boar-dom in the bedroom, have at it. Who knows? It does say the dress is an optional accessory. And while we’re at it, let’s not get all gender binary here. Imagine your partner, whoever that may be, greeting you at the door wearing this and smile. Use your imagination. Go, as it were, hog wild.