For some reason yesterday, I got it in my head to make some observations about The Neverending Movie List. It’s currently at 1192 titles. I actually started drafting this in the parking lot I mentioned yesterday but didn’t get very far. In the process of said drafting, I pasted the list into Word so I could refer to it as needed. That’s how I discovered that it’s 26 single spaced pages.
And those are just horror movies. I haven’t even started on a list of all the not-horror movies I’ve seen. I should also note that I play pretty fast and loose with horror, so the list includes movies about horror, creepy documentaries, documentaries about horror directors, and pretty much whatever else I inexplicably or delusionally think belongs there.
I have difficulty alphabetizing. Not because I don’t know the alphabet, but because I don’t know all the filing conventions. For example, I know that in an alphabetical list, numbers go before letters. But what do I do with The 7th Victim versus 28 Days Later? Is 7th a number or a position? Does it go before or after the number 28? I’ve been told I should just alphabetize the number as its word, but that makes me twitchy.
Articles piss me off. I don’t alphabetize A, An, or The, but I do alphabetize foreign articles like in La Llorona. I also hate shit like Addams Family comma The. I can’t bring myself to not include the article because it’s in the actual name of the movie, and I’m a little compulsive about that. But I also can’t list The Addams Family and pretend that starts with A rather than T.
It also bothers me when I have to separate sequels. Not so much a problem with Friday The 13th or Halloween, and even those have some quirks. But alphabetically Hellbound: Hellraiser II comes before Hellraiser. This haunts me.
I have a similar problem with Dungeons & Dragons monster cards (if you’re not familiar, I’ll spare you the explanation of what those are). For example, there are several Green Dragon cards, one each for Young, Adult, and Ancient Green Dragons. Do they go under A and Y? Do they all go under G for Green? Or do they all go under D for Dragon? I lose sleep over this which should give you some indication of the hellscape of my existence.
So let’s see. Some other things I’ve noticed…I have 17 movies that start with some iteration of the word “House.” On the other hand, I only have 7 movies that start with the letter Q (I contrasted these two because they both have 7’s).
Aside from Q, the other least represented letters are, you may have guessed, X (3), Y (6), and Z (4—surprisignly few of the zombie movies I’ve seen actually have “zombie” as the first word in the title). After Q, the next letter with the fewest titles is K (14). Also if my math is right (always a damn good question), the letter S starts the highest number of movies (103).
It’s also been observed that if the average movie runs about 90 minutes, I’ve spent 107,280 minutes watching horror or horror-related movies. I’m not sure what that says about me. I also don’t know how many hours and therefore days that is. I’m not sure if I wanna find out.
I don’t know any numerologists, but I’m curious to know what, if anything, this all, uh, adds up to. If you’re into that sort of thing, by all means let me know in the Comments if you come up with anything. You might say I’m counting on you.