Well it’s Father’s Day, and y’all know what that means here in Castle Blogferatu: yep, not a damn thing! It did, however, occur to me that I promised I’d be back to some kind of movie post today. When I realized today was also the big F-day, I thought perhaps I’d combo ’em up. So, for all you parental types of any iteration out there, here are my 10 Worst Horror Movie Fathers.
#10 Ellison Oswalt (Sinister)
Worst doesn’t always have to be evil. Sometimes Dad is just clueless and stupid with disastrous results. Such is the case with Ethan Hawke in Sinister. All he had to do was move. But no, he keeps going with his little fact-finding mission. Fuckin’ writers, man. Ultimately he unleashes Bughuul (who looks like the genetically inferior product of Spawn and The Crow).
#9 William (The VVitch)
Like Ethan Hawke, much of what happens in The VVitch is set in motion by a willful and stubborn father. You know you’ve got some extremist beliefs when even the Puritans look at you and say, “Dude you are out there. You gotta go.” He gets himself and his family cast out which sets pretty much everything else in motion.
#8 Nathan Gardner (Color Out Of Space)
It’s not always Dad’s fault. In this case, the alien-color-generating meteor in Color Out Of Space makes Nicolas Cage lose his mind. Lots of folks wanna put Mandy at the top of the the Crazy Cage list with Willy’s Wonderland as a close second (to the point where it becomes parody). But for me, I think Cage is at his absolute batshit best in this surprisingly faithful Lovecraft adaptation.
#7 Louis Creed (Pet Sematary)
Our first Stephen King character on this list. Again, a “bad” horror movie father isn’t necessarily evil. Sometimes he’s just misguided. He means well. But that whole buryin’ stuff where it won’t stay dead problem, I mean, his heart was in the right place. Just coulda worked out better.
#6 Brent (Mom And Dad)
Another appearance from the C-man. It doesn’t get much more entertaining than watching Nicolas Cage be all Nicolas Cage, and does he ever deliver the goods in Mom And Dad. Some messed up signal a la Stephen King’s Cell (seriously don’t even bother with the movie) fills otherwise normal (?) suburban parents with homicidal rage toward their very own flesh and blood.
#5 Harry Wormwood (Matilda)
Like Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl’s Matilda is far darker than many people give it credit for, and if these aren’t straight up horror comedies, then they most assuredly have some horrific moments. I find Agatha Trunchbull terrifying, but for this list, Danny DeVito is a Grade A dirtbag.
#4 Paul Fox (Scream For Help)
I had to dig up an obscure one. This is a 1984 Brit movie in which a stepfather wants to off his wife and stepdaughter but not cuz he’s insane like in The Stepfather. No in this case, he’s only in it for the monies. He has some accomplices, one of whom meets a, well, shocking end. It’s really one of two things I actually remember from the movie and is the main reason it’s on the list.
#3 Dad Meiks (Frailty)
My favorite Bill Paxton horror role is Severen in Near Dark, but this is a pretty close second. Meiks thinks he’s doing God’s work by dispatching demons and is a-trainin’ up his sons to carry on this Good And Useful Tradition. Plus the movie also has Matthew McConaughey and Powers Booth.
#2 Jack Torrance (The Shining)
You knew Jack was gonna be on this list. It was a tough call whether or not to put him at #1. I decided to put him here since, technically, what happens isn’t entirely his fault. He’s being slowly driven insane whilst also being overcome by supernatural forces (all of which is developed much more fully in the book by the way).
Don (28 Weeks Later), Victor Frankenstein, Nathan Grantham (Creepshow)
#1 Jerry Blake (The Stepfather)
Who else could possibly top this list? Long before he went and got himself Lost, Terry O’Quinn was in two Stepfather movies. It’s a bloodbath, sure, but really, the guy just wants his own perfect family. Is that so much to ask? He just puts himself out there only to keep being disappointed. Poor guy. Surprisingly I haven’t seen the remake. To be fair, I haven’t heard good things.
So there we go, my contribution to all you dads of any stripe out there. Fly them ugly ties proudly. Cheers.