So last Friday I listed my Top 10 Full Moon Flicks with Puppet Master as my #1. I stand by that. It’s one of my favorite movies in general. I wanna say it was the first Full Moon Feature I’d ever seen, but that can’t be right since it was a 1989 release. Must be the Mandela Effect. Or a glitch in the matrix. Or something.
I actually had to cut quite a bit from last week’s Puppet Master segment because I found myself extolling the virtues of all the puppets. It were gettin’ lengthy, so I thought to myself, “Self, you should make this its own list.” Submitted for your approval then are my Top 6 Puppet Master Puppets.
As killer playthings go, Jester ain’t all that much. But Jester is one of the two coolest lookin’ puppets in the series. It’s Jester’s rotating face that lands him on this list. His head is divided into thirds: forehead, eyes/nose/upper lip, lower lip/chin. Each third rotates independently, and each has several different features thus allowing Jester to combine the thirds into different facial expressions: happiness, sadness, anger, treachery, and surprise/fear. Other than that, he mainly serves as a lookout and/or distraction that allows the other puppets to move in for the kill.
For the most part, Torch is a walking flamethrower which is fine, but not as exciting as it sounds. But similar to Jester, I like Torch for his appearance. Seriously, as formidable figures, this guy is, well, lit. Next to Blade, he’s arguably the most badass looking of the bunch.
A few years before Woody shows up in the Disneyverse, this lil guy was in Puppet Master III. I mean, they don’t really look all that similar, but they are both moving cowboy puppets. Maybe Six-Shooter is from the more demented, violent branch of Woody’s family? He’s made up like a stereotypical western bad guy complete with bandanna and black hat. Oh, and he has six arms, each with a gun. In a later iteration, after a fire, he gets laser shooters.
Ah yes the little drill-headed guy. I just like how he kills people by charging at them like a tiny bull, but with a spinning drill on his head instead of horns.
If the Puppet Master puppets were a Dungeons & Dragons party, Pinhead would be the tank. He’s mainly brute force and can both take and inflict a good amount of damage. As a puppet, he has an undersized head, oversized hands, and remarkable strength (he’s able to drag human victims away). Generally he pummels and/or strangles his victims.
Yeah, I’m as surprised as you are that Blade isn’t #1, and he is the closest of close 2nds. Blade is without doubt the iconic face of the entire Puppet Master family and franchise. I can only think of maybe 2 or 3 people I know who wouldn’t recognize him. Black hat and trench coat, white face and hair, mask-like black eyes (with occasionally protruding spikes), Blade, uh, cuts quite a goth-looking figure. He has no hands but rather a hook for one hand and a knife for the other, so that’s fun. He’s also (I don’t think I’m wrong here) one of the few puppets to appear in every film and always with the same look. Plus, y’know, hack, slash, blood, etc.
Decapitron, Kahn, Mr. Punch (yeah, the one from Dolls. He makes a cameo in Puppet Master II)
#1 Leech Woman
Hear me out. I had to make Leech Woman #1 for, if nothing else, the gross-out factor. If you’re unfamiliar with the franchise, you might suspect that Leech Woman is some sorta human/annelid hybrid, and, in a way, you’d be kinda right, but not in the way you’d think. See, Leech Woman was originally Toulon’s wife and was killed by Nazis. He resurrects her as a puppet to which she reacts about as well as The Bride Of Frankenstein. The solution to this is to stick a leech in her mouth, as one does. This somehow endows her with its spirit. All of which leads to her killing method. She is able to regurgitate an apparently endless number of leeches which in turn exsanguinate her victim. Yummy. I used the image above because A) as a puppet, this version of Leech Woman is one of the few puppets, dolls, etc. that doesn’t strike me as terrifying. I think this one’s kinda pretty in fact. B) if you haven’t seen this movie, boy are you in for a treat when you see Leech Woman in action.
Right, so I’ve probably covered all the main players in our creepy little puppet show. Oops. But there’s always the future. Toulon’s little crew has already taken on the Demonic Toys, so, I dunno. The Evil Bong? Gingerdead Man? Thoughts?