Almost 100 posts ago, I did Part I of this list, but I think it’s worth clarifying a few things before Part II. If you like, admire, enjoy, the films on these lists, that’s great. No judgment here. But like Harry Callahan said in Magnum Force, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” So these movies on my banishment lists are specific to me for any number of reasons and are of course subject to change. I could, for instance, probably convince myself to sit through Antichrist.
One big factor (of many) is that a movie is just too relentlessly bleak for me. Don’t get me wrong—bleak is fine. But sometimes it crosses a line that’s too much even for me. For example, if I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn’t have watched Requiem For A Dream. To paraphrase Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets, “Sell depressing someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.”
I hasten to add that I’m well aware there is far worse stuff out there. I’ve even seen some of it, my point being none of this is based on blind refusal. I’ve read enough about and seen enough clips of these movies to form what is (again, for me) a reasonable position. All of which leads me to My Banished Movie List Part II.
I’m not dealing with child death first of all. Enough bad shit happens to kids in the real world. I don’t need it in my fictional world. Also, right up there with bad stuff happening to kids is bad stuff happening to animals. I watched Red (based on a novel of the same name by Jack Ketchum), and it stuck with and literally depressed me for weeks. Even now my blood pressure still goes up just recalling it because I think the vicious little shit who killed the dog should have been dragged across barbed wire. I guess that’s why I like the first John Wick movie so much. You killed my dog, so I’m gonna destroy you all. Every. Last. Fucking. One of you.
The Girl Next Door
See Anitchrist. This is based on another Jack Ketchum novel. The fact that this is said to be based on a true story makes it even worse. Kidnapping, imprisonment, rape, torture, death…I can find that on the news.
The Other 2 Human Centipede Movies
The first of these is on Part I, and these are here for a somewhat different reason: the fact that they don’t even look interesting. Like, seriously, this is what you came up with? On top of that is a logistics problem. If the movie takes place in a world that more or less follows the real world rules we’re used to, then certain physical realities have to apply. This is one of the problems I have with some zombie movies (an argument that my friends likely don’t ever wanna hear again). Anyway, this cause the whole “suspension of disbelief” to fail spectacularly. So are the Human Centipede movies gross? Sure. But that I can take. What I can’t take is the ass-to-mouth thing because, at the very least, there’s stuff like E. Coli and Salmonella. That’s all I’m gonna say.
Melancholia Der Engel
I remember reading something years ago about Marian Dora being a satanist and using that to defend the torture and murder of a cat in the making of this, uh, “film.” I also remember something about LSD and the cat’s eyes. Supposedly this was all proven to be fake. Whatever. I did a halfhearted search for my source, couldn’t find anything, and gave up quickly cuz it ain’t worth my time. Plus, if Dora is in fact a satanist and using his films to forward such beliefs, well, that’s just one more religion-foisting nutcase. So yeah, we’re done here.
I’ve seen the trailer for and several clips of this. Looks vile. That I can handle, but vile in service to what? Like The Lobster which I hated for being Lanthimos’s excuse for being all “Hey, look how bleak I can be” edgelordy, Morituris is little more than gratuitous shock value. Vile isn’t a big deal for me, and I can sit through boring and derivative schlock. But vile, boring, and derivative? Hard pass. Even Brad Miska at Bloody Disgusting hated this and went so far as to riddle his review with spoilers, call the director “a narrow-minded piece of shit writer/director,” and give the movie “negative 100 million out of 5 Skulls.” A follow-up interview (that showcases everyone’s mutual hostility) ends with the director taking Miska to task: “Leaving aside the personal insults, which are not worth replying to, in my opinion, writing such a spoiler and misleading review is unfair to both those who are eager to watch the movie and those who are just curious about it.” In Miska’s defense, the review makes it clear there are spoilers, telling me the director regards potential viewers as pretty fucking stupid.
Well, I’m in a mood now. Still, let me know what’s out there that you refuse to watch. While you’re deciding, I’m gonna go wash all this off in the shower then spend the day cleansing my psyche with some Mr. Bean, Blackadder, and Monty Python.