So what had happened was…I spilled coffee on my laptop yesterday afternoon. Again. Naturally, I did what most any
dashing, reasonably intelligent, tech savvy journalist old, dissipated, opinionated hack would do—tried to keep using it anyway. When the keyboard stopped responding, I turned it off, opened it all the way up, and laid it on the bed to dry out over night.
Because of this, I had to teach my afternoon Zoom class with my iPad, then post Thrift Store Thursday with it as well. I dunno about y’all, but I’m not so much a fan of using an iPad in that capacity. There’s no logical explanation for that as the device performed those functions well enough. But blogging on it, a little wonky.
Therefore, not knowing what might be in store today, I also started today’s post yesterday and decided to relegate it to something fairly simple in the event that my laptop was fracked. I’m happy to report that my laptop works just fine today. I am in fact coming to you live from it this very second. Not bad for two coffee incidents. But I gotta stay with the post I started yesterday.
“But, couldn’t you just pocket that one for an emergency?” It’s a good and valid question to be sure, except I assumed the worst immediately. It’s kinda my thing. But that also means I didn’t watch or rewatch any Full Moon flicks last night, rendering me ill-prepared to dispense any of the usual wisdom and judgment on one today. So, here’s a topic I’ve had on the back burner for a moment: 5 Flicks That Feel Like Full Moon But Aren’t.
#1 Deadly Friend (1986)
This one probably feels the least like a Full Moon flick. For one thing, it’s possibly a little tame, but hey, Full Moon has some family-friendly stuff like Prehysteria! (1993) as well, so I’m still including it here. I mean, it is rated R, and come on. We got robots. We got a dead girl who’s brought back as a robot. We got death by basketball. And if a Full Moon flick can have Karen Black, one can have Anne Ramsey too.
#2 Fear No Evil (1981)
This is a bit more in line with the Charles Band kind of aesthetic. We got the Devil. We got angels. We got low-budget special effects. We got a convoluted plot that loses control of itself. The one thing that separates Fear No Evil is a primo killer soundtrack. Seriously—The B-52s, The Cramps, The Ramones, The Rezillos, Patti Smith, Talking Heads. It’s punk rock paradise and well worth the price of admission.
#3 Piñata: Survival Island (2002)
In terms of the special effects, the characters, and the kill and gore factors, wow could this pass as Full Moon. What gives it away as not Full Moon is its total lack of self-awarness. Someone (David and Scott Hillenbrand) took this a little too damn seriously, and I’ve never been sure why. I mean, it does have Jaime Pressly, but she’s pretty much offset by Nicholas “Xander” Brendon fer fuxsakes (speaking of taking things a little too seriously).
#4 Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD (1990)
I wouldn’t say this about very many Lloyd Kaufman flicks. Certainly “The Aroma From Troma” has some very, uh, distinct notes that require an astute and finely calibrated palate. It’s not the gore. Both have plenty of that. But the violence in a Troma movie can be…a lot. That’s not a criticism, but there are lines Band seems to stop at while Kaufman takes a running leap over them. There’s a specific head-crushin’ scene from Toxic Avenger (1984)that stands out in particular. Sgt. Kabukiman, though, isn’t quite so egregious in this area, and its sophomoric humor could make it more or less at home in Full Moon.
#5 ThanksKilling (2008) and ThanksKilling 3 (2012)
You’re right. Technically this is two movies, but ThanksKilling is only 70 minutes. If you don’t know what happened to Thankskilling 2, I won’t spoil the joke for you. But yeah, this could easily be a Full Moon flick. We have a demon turkey that says “Gobble gobble motherfucker.” The DVD cover promises “Boobs In The First Second.” And they’re Pilgrim boobs at that. If that ain’t in the same barnyard as Head Of The Family (1996), I dunno what is.
Now…I’m not trying to suggest that these movies would not have existed without the likes of Laserblast (1978) or Dolls (1987) or Tourist Trap (1979). My point is, there’s a level on which Charles Band and Full Moon should be regarded as a major contributor to/influence on the genre. That’s all.
Gobble gobble mother… well, y’know.