Horror 365 Movie(s) 355: Thrift Store Thursday XVII, Thanksgiving Turkeys

Thanksgiving isn’t a big deal here at Castle Blogferatu. Oh sure, there’s someone something or other turning slowly on a spit in the cavernous fireplace over in the main ballroom along with some sort of minced substance baked into a pie or two. But by and large, just another Thursday around here.

But that does mean the thrift stores are closed. That makes Thrift Store Thursday slightly different today in that none of these are recent purchases. Instead they’re all titles I’ve picked up here and there over a number of years. But as it’s thanksgiving, I thought it was only right to compile a holiday appropriate feast. Here then, is a list of bird-related Thanksgiving Turkeys.

#5 Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead

First of all, Lloyd Kaufman. Second of all, who in their right mind can pass up a black comedy horror musical? Well, I generally can. Cuz musicals. Ick. Bleh. But still. These other factors far outweigh the musicality. Basically a fried chicken joint, the American Chicken Bunker, sits atop a Native American burial ground. Mayhem, inappropriate relations with raw poultry, zombie chickens, and further hilarity ensue.

#4 Birdemic: Shock And Terror

What does one even say about something like this? I mean, when you look at something like Sharknado, you know that people are having fun with it. Everything about it is just ridiculously over the top. But Birdemic...you can’t help but feel like somebody was actually taking this seriously. Where Sharknado becomes strangely entertaining, Birdemic becomes painful and embarrassing to watch. And there’s a sequel!

#3 The Birds II: Land’s End

If you didn’t know there was a sequel, number yourself among the fortunate. And if you don’t know who Alan Smithee is, it’s well past time you learned. Y’see, any number of things can destroy a film for a director—lack of creative control, on-set tension, lack of cooperation among various studio and/or production and/or talent elements, or something just ending up being flat out god awful. When the results are disastrous enough that the director wants to disown the project completely, this is the director it gets attributed to. Tippi Hedron does make a cameo (but not as her original character), but supposedly hated the entire experience.

#2 The Giant Claw

Arguably the biggest turkey on this list. Literally. The story involves a bird “as big as a battleship” that looks every bit as effective as an Ed Wood flying saucer. No description does this thing justice other than to rename it Attack Of The Giant Low-budget Muppet Bird.

#1 Thankskilling

I mean, what more need be said about a movie that proudly announces “Warning!!! Boobs In The First Second!” Compound that with the first line of dialogue: “Nice tits, bitch.” This movie is dumber than a flat-earther, sillier than the term “creation science,” and delivers enough cheese to cover an order of nachos the size of a billboard. So begins the saga of the demon turkey named, cleverly, Turkie. This could so easily have been a Troma flick, and unlike Birdemic, what makes it so ridiculously watchable is the fact that nobody took even a second of this seriously. And why, on a $3500 budget, would they? There’s a sequel I haven’t gotten to yet—Thankskilling 3—which has something to do with Turkie trying to kill anyone who’s seen or was involved with Thankskilling 2, a movie so bad Turkie doesn’t want anyone to know it ever existed.

So, grab a seat at the grown-ups table, gang. The turkey’s are served. And in the words of the aforementioned demon fowl himself, “Gobble gobble motherfucker.”

 

 

Horror 365 Movie(s) 348: Thrift Store Thursday XVI

Not a bad selection though I have to admit I picked these up a while ago and just never got around to posting them until today. These things happen. I was surprised that I didn’t have these much sooner however. So lessee here. In Bruges is one of my favorite folk horrors (at least, I consider it folk horror) and remains sadly overlooked. Insomnia is one of those things I’ve been meaning to get to and somehow just haven’t managed to watch yet. Manhunter is hands down one of the creepiest movies I’ve ever seen and beats the immortal piss outta Silence Of The Lambs. And finally, John Carpenter’s Vampires is one of the few vampire movies I’ll sit through (although James Woods just keeps gettin’ more and more difficult to sit through). As for that little guy on the left, I didn’t find him at a thrift store. He’s an incense burner I saw online and decided I couldn’t live without. I needed him in this case to prop up In Bruges because the box willfully refused to cooperate and remain upright.

Horror 365 Movie(s) 341: Thrift Store Thursday XV

First off, I have to brag on myself a little bit. I wrote a pretty glowing review of Wekufe: The Origin Of Evil. Now, my social media game is decidedly not on point. Or en pointe. Apparently there’s no difference. My pointe is, I’m not great with the whole social media self-promotion thing. I do, however, have a Facebook page for our modest little blog. And it was on that page that I received a thank you message from Javier Attridge, Wekufe’s director.

I was stunned. Still am a bit. Anyway, on with today’s post.

It so happened that My Favorite Colleague needed to go to an Apple store. Sadly the one we used to have here in Norfolk closed, leaving the next nearest one located in a Virginia Beach mall. Normally I avoid Virginia Beach at all costs and regard it with the same level of contempt and loathing I reserve for The Sound Of Music or I’m Thinking Of Ending Things. Nonetheless, that was our option.

There were, however, a couple bright spots. One, of course, was the effervescent company of said companion. But a distant second was finding a Goodwill I hadn’t been to before. Naturally, I figured “I better go.” Seemed like a professional obligation. They had a decent number of DVDs, and I managed to find these here two right here.

I liked From Hell okay, and I’m a big fan of the graphic novel, and Gravedancers has been on my watchlist for a minute, so what the hell.

At first I also had Game Of Thrones Season 1. I haven’t seen a single minute of Game Of Thrones and originally never had any intention to. I don’t like George R. R. Martin and couldn’t slog through the first book. I tried. Really. However, I’m given to believe by folks in the know that anything I may not like about the series will be more than made up for in S1 by the presence of Peter Dinklage, so I figured “Eh. 5 DVDs for $5. I’ll have a go.”

This particular Goodwill sells DVDs at 2 for $3 or 5 for $5. As y’all may be aware, I have a pretty sizeable DVD collection. The downside of that is it becomes harder and harder to find stuff around the local thrift stores that I don’t already have. So imagine my dismay when I literally could not find 2 more DVDs I needed.

Do you see the problem? Some of you, no doubt, are thinking “I see a problem.”

I know. I know what you’re saying. “Hell with it just buy the 3.” But that goes so heavily against my weird sense of symmetry that I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and so, as sad as this made things in The Seven Kingdoms, Tyrion Lannister had to go. Oh well. I can always watch I Care A Lot again.

PS- I found out shortly after posting this that both cases were in fact empty. It’s my own fault for not checking. I mean, I don’t mind just handing 5 bucks to Goodwill, but hey!