In which Jorge and JT talk Brandon Cronenberg, Mia Goth, and Alexander Skarsgard in a spoiler-laden discussion of the total mindtrip that is Infinity Pool.

NEXT WEEK
Plot Twists

LINKS
https://linktr.ee/podferatu
Skull logo by Erik Leach @erikleach_art (Instagram)
Theme:  Netherworld Shanty, Kevin MacLeod incompetech.com
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

In which Jorge and JT delve into one of the all time greatest horror television shows in the history of ever!

TOPICS
The Black Museum
Crocodile
Demon 79
Fifteen Million Merits
Nosedive
Playtest
Shut Up And Dance
The Waldo Moment
White Bear

NEXT WEEK
Infinity Pool (2023)

LINKS
https://linktr.ee/podferatu
Skull logo by Erik Leach @erikleach_art (Instagram)
Theme:  Netherworld Shanty, Kevin MacLeod incompetech.com
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

7/31 Sisu (2023)

I’ve seen this movie referred to as a Nazi-killing WWII John Wick. That’s not too terribly far off the mark. Some pretty Tarantino-esque sequences which is fun. This is the same director who brought us the outrageously funny Rare Exports short films that led to an entertaining if not quite as clever movie. Some of the gore sequences are also side-splitters. I mean, who doesn’t wanna see a Nazi blow up when he gets a land mine thrown at him?

7/29 Evil Dead Rise (2023)

I’m surprised I didn’t get to this much sooner. It probably woulda been worth seeing in a theater, but see Asteroid City below. It wasn’t bad. Jorge and I will have a review of the whole franchise comin’ up right soon, and this holds up nicely in it. It’s gruesome. It’s splatterific. It has some fine nods to the first two. Certainly worth your time, even more so if you’re a fan.

7/27 Skinamarink (2022)

Another watch for Podferatu. We picked this specifically because it terrified Jorge’s wife, Sarah, bored Jorge to death, and irritated the crap outta me. Seemed like a good variety. I didn’t like this. I haven’t watched Heck, the short from whence this was spawned, but I’m willing to bet it’s wwwaaayyy more effective. I also have a personal beef with the term “experimental” being used as a shield to protect a movie from its own shortcomings, or like a bludgeon against people who don’t like it. “Oh, you just don’t get it. It’s experimennnnnnnnntaaaaallll.” At first I thought maybe I need to give it another watch, but the more I think about this movie, the more irritated I get, just like I do with The Lobster and the god-awful I’m Thinking Of Ending Things.

7/22 The Killer Is Still Among Us (1986)

This is an odd one from Camillo Teti. I guess it more or less qualifies as a giallo. A criminology student investigates a series of murders and begins to suspect her new boyfriend. It has an interesting little twist I won’t give away. Worth checking out if you’re a giallo fan.

7/22 The Unseen (1980)

First of all, Barbara Bach, so what’s not to love? A female TV crew (Bach and two others) trek out to Solvang to cover the annual Danish festival. Their reservation gets messed up, and they end up staying with the caretaker of a nearby museum, Ernest Keller (Sydney Lassick). Things predictably go wrong. Lassick, some of you may recall, played Cheswick in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest where he lost his shit before getting shock treatment. Fast forward to Carrie where he plays Mr. Fromm, the high school principal who gets, wait for it, electrocuted. I so wanted him to get zapped again in this one, and for a few minutes, it really looked like things were gonna go that way. Sadly, this was not to be. Still, it’s a weird, mean-spirited, nasty little flick.

7/21 Unwelcome (2023)

Ah the ol’ “leave stuff out for the faeries” tradition. That’s what Unwelcome plays on. Londoners Maya and Jamie are assaulted in their flat. They later take the opportunity to move to rural Ireland into the house Jamie inherits from his great-aunt Maeve. The house comes with one stipulation: there has to be a blood offering (by way of a little liver) left for the little people every night. Maya promises to uphold this. Complications arise. Not a bad watch. I wasn’t ecstatic about the ending. Your mileage may vary.

7/20 The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

I saw this some time ago and rewatched it just to kinda round things out and put a bow on the whole package. It’s fine. Not one of my all-time favorite films, but not unwatchable.

7/19 Slumber Party Massacre (2021)

This was super-entertaining with a good amount of humor and some nice nods to the original 3 movies. Also funny as hell were the gratuitous semi-clothed scenes involving the young men instead of the young women. And to quote Nicolas Cage from Mom And Dad, “It’s a Sawzall. That means it saws. All!” When you know, you’ll know.

7/19 Slumber Party Massacre III (1990)

Worst of the lot, and one of the dumbest movies I’ve ever seen. But if you’re a completist like me, ya gots ta sit through it.

7/18 Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)

So Jorge and I decided to review the entire Slumber Party Massacre franchise which meant I had to watch II, III, and the remake since I’d never seen any of them. Jorge absolutely loves this one. I originally disliked it, but after recording the episode, I gotta say I’m comin’ around just a little. It’s never gonna be a fave, and I doubt that I’ll ever rewatch it, but I can appreciate how hard Deborah Brock leaned into the camp and the silliness of it.

7/13 Infinity Pool (2023)

As far as I’m concerned, Mia Goth can do no wrong, and up to this point, this is my favorite role of hers after Pearl. Everything about her character, Gabi, is sinister, unhinged, or both. If you haven’t seen this one, go into it as blindly as you can. You won’t be disappointed. And boy oh boy I can’t wait for Maxine.

7/8 Donovan’s Brain (1953)

I’d been meaning to get to this one for years, and after seeing The Brain The Wouldn’t Die yet again, I thought it was indeed high time. It’s a fun one. Dr. Patrick Cory seeks to preserve brain life after the death of the body, and he’s presented with a unique opportunity to experiment on the brain of the uber-wealthy W.H. Donovan. Soon enough, the brain forms a psychic link with Cory and begins to take over his life, using Cory for his own ends. Oh, and the brain also grows to astonishing proportions in the tank of whatever solution Cory has concocted for it. Fun stuff!

7/5 Asteroid City

I don’t go to the cinema nearly as much as I used to. The afternoon I saw Del Toro’s Pinocchio turned into the evening I started having symptoms of Covid. By the middle of the night, I was the sickest I’d ever been in my life. So, yeah, I’m a little leery of enclosed spaces full of people. But Wes Anderson, I gotta see his movies on a big screen. And it was well worth it. Wes Anderson pretty much up his own arse as usual, but in all the best possible ways. I loved French Dispatch and felt it was the Wes Andersonest Wes Anderson movie of all time. Until now.

7/1 The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (1962)

So I know this woman who owns a brewery with her family and also listens to Podferatu. Well she wanted to start a free movie night once a month at said brewery and asked if I’d like to host it (basically introduce the movie, say a few things about it, that’s it). This was the first movie we chose. I watch this movie at least once a year, and every time I see it, I’ve forgotten from the previous time what a yuk tsunami this movie is. If you’ve never seen it, stop everything you’re doing right now and Treat. Yo. Self!

In which the lads style up those mullets, dust off that leather, and head into the freefire zone to get larned some fine teachins.

NEXT WEEK
Black Mirror

LINKS
https://linktr.ee/podferatu
Skull logo by Erik Leach @erikleach_art (Instagram)
Theme:  Netherworld Shanty, Kevin MacLeod incompetech.com
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

:

In which Jorge and JT face their fears, forego their frights, and fracture their phobias (or funsies).

NEXT WEEK
New Feature: Tubi Tuesday!

LINKS
https://linktr.ee/podferatu
Skull logo by Erik Leach @erikleach_art (Instagram)
Theme:  Netherworld Shanty, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

This post is part of the Classic Literature On Film Blogathon

hosted by Silver Screen Classics.

Long and oft have I lamented (here and elsewhere) the difficulties of translating Lovecraft to the screen, specifically any scene involving any being so utterly beyond human comprehension that the merest glimpse of it results in despair and madness. Obviously there’s no way to sufficiently visualize so staggering a horror.

But that should in no way imply that all Lovecraft is unfilmable. Far from it. Frequently the terrors of the Elder Gods lie in the results of their presence on those around them. This is the kind of thing that happens in, for example, such Lovecraft-themed movies as Event Horizon and In The Mouth Of Madness.

Other times, the story as it is can work spectacularly on film, and a fine example of this is “The Colour Out Of Space.” If this isn’t my favorite Lovecraft story, it’s certainly in the top 3. It’s definitely one of Lovecraft’s finest cosmic horrors with its most unnerving quality being the idea that it invokes no cult rituals, no ancient evil, and no Elder Gods. It’s just speculative fiction at its finest and boasts 5, count ’em, 5 film adaptations, with nary a one being terrible.

Die, Monster, Die (1965)

 

This is not the most faithful adaptation, but it’s got its gruesome and creepy moments. An American scientist journeys to Arkham, England to visit his fiancée Susan Witley. There he meets her parents, Nahum and Letitia. Hmm. Letitia Witley. That sounds vaguely familiar, kinda like, oh I dunno, Lavinia Whateley? From “The Dunwich Horror?” Now just what did those zany lads over at American International Pictures think they were up to with all this haphazard mix-and-matching of storylines? The special effects are a bit dated as well, though Letitia’s (Freda Jackson) final transformation is a decent jolt. The obvious draw here is Karloff as Nahum, and his ending attack is right menacing despite the now hokey representation of Nahum’s radioactive glow.

 SKULLS- 5

The Curse (1987)

 

Also not the most faithful version of events, but it does deal nicely with the some of the story details, like the improved crop growth (and what follows) after the meteorite hits. The movie also boasts a lil baby Wil Wheaton just after Stand By Me. This time the father is Nathan Crane (Claude Akins). A meteorite lands near the family farm, and madness ensues. It’s not a bad flick, but it’s not fantastic either. It does, however, contain one of the most disturbing scenes I’ve ever watched. Zack’s (Wheaton) mother is sewing and yammering semi-incoherently about, well, stuff. Zack notices her fingers are bleeding then realizes it’s because she’s sewing her fingers along with/into her darning work. Makes me shiver just thinkin’ about it. Oh, and John Schneider. Oh, and Curse II: The Bite has zero to do with this movie.

 SKULLS- 3

Colour From The Dark (2008)

 

This is a surprisingly effective indie film out of Italy. This time everything is set in the WWII Italian countryside. Farmer Pietro and his wife Lucia accidentally release something that’s at the bottom of their well. Even better than The Curse, this version focuses effectively on the massive crops, subsequent poisoning, and ultimate madness brought about by whatever Pietro has released. Things go a bit off the rails in terms of Lucia becoming homicidal prompting devout Catholic Pietro to call for an exorcist. But overall not bad.

 SKULLS- 4

The Colour Out Of Space (Die Farbe, 2010)

 

This is tense and effectively shot in black and white except when The Color itself is directly involved. Some argue that this is the best adaptation of the story ever made. It certainly bears all the hallmarks of being made by someone who’s a Lovecraft disciple. This time, a young American goes to Germany trying to find out what happened to his father, an American soldier who seemed to have just vanished. In the course of investigating, he stumbles upon the repercussions of a meteorite that had landed near a farm in the vicinity of a family the father may have had contact with. Between the oversized but poisoned crops, the bloated insects, and the weirdness of actual Color, this one takes a hold and won’t let go. Be sure to stick around through the credits because the accompanying footage does a fine job linking back to an important point made in the actual story

 SKULLS- 5

Color Out Of Space (2019)

 

If you’re gonna have someone go insane and start doin’ weird shit because of exposure to some kind of weird shit from space that also makes weird shit start happening all over your llama farm, you could do a helluvalot worse than to have that someone played by Nicolas Cage. If you hold up Mandy as the gold standard of totally batshit Nic Cage crazy-8 bonkersosity, then Willy’s Wonderland and Color Out Of Space are neck and neck for an awfully close second. It’s a nice touch in terms of the meteor’s effect on the people around it, and there are some John Carpenter/The Thing/David Cronenberg/The Fly moments that, while not exactly canon in terms of the source, are truly god damn gruesome. What this version also handles spectacularly is the color and some of its other bizarro effects (i.e. more creepy as hell bugs like in Die Farbe).

SKULLS- 5

So there they are kids. My suggestion is have a read through the story (it moves fast), grab ya up a ginormous hunka produce, and snuggle in for some iridescent nightmares.

In which the lads discuss movies from the banner years that were 1965 and 1978!

NEXT WEEK
Podferatu Ded Talk: Fear

LINKS
https://linktr.ee/podferatu
Skull logo by Erik Leach @erikleach_art (Instagram)
Theme:  Netherworld Shanty, Kevin MacLeod incompetech.com
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

6/4 Daimajin (1966)

Here’s another one that’s been on the list for some time now. For what it is, Daimajin is a cool little flick and not like your run-of-the-mill kaiju fare. The storyline is a little wonky, but from what I can piece together, a Great Demon God, both revered and feared by the nearby villagers, is kept at peace with an annual ritual. Well wouldn’t ya know it, there’s a coup. Power shifts. The deposed family is killed except for, wouldn’t ya know it, the two children. They grow up. There’s fighting. There’s intrigue. There’s torture. There’s supernatural stuff. Daimajin doesn’t really have is big moment til the last 20-ish minutes, but those 20-ish minutes are an absolute blast to behold.

6/4 Bog (1979)

More like Slog. For real, on of the longest 90-minute segments of my life. 1979 had quite a range. The year that gave us Alien and Phantasm also gave us Killer Nun (up next) and…this. Dynamite feeshin’ (like ya do) wakes up a swamp critter, the likes of which ya ain’t seen since, I dunno, The Horror Of Party Beach or From Hell It Came. There’s some great tentacle rasslin’ (à la Bride Of The Monster) with tentacles I could probably whip up at home with some nylons, pool noodles, and Mod Podge.

6/7 Killer Nun (1979)

Argento, Bava, Fulci, Mattei. If you like these guys and their style of giallo, check out this little nunsploitation shocker by Giulio Berutti. Not a bad movie at all really. Supposedly it’s loosely based on a real case, so take that with as many grains of salt as you see fit. Sister Gertrude (played Anita Ekberg and marginally more lenient than Nurse Ratched) runs a geriatric hospital. People, of course, start dying, and not just because they’re geriatric. I’d classify this as giallo, so there is, of course, a big (albeit fairly predictable) twist.

6/11 Demon Wind (1990)

How can I have gotten this far in my life without every having seen this? The MST3K-style cover art alone should have sold me on this long before now. And it’s a strong start: crucified body on fire. Sign me up. Sadly, this highwater mark is not to be maintained. Hamfisted effects, terrible acting, one stupid character decision after another, and dialogue so packed with cheese it could cover a flatbed fulla nachos. Still, there’s a good moment here and there, lotsa splattery gore, decent makeup, and some halfway decent Lovecrafty vibes. Fun fun fun fun fun.

6/14 Influencer (2022)

Dang. Nary a redeemable or even remotely likeable character to be found anywhere in or even near this one. Predictable, at times tedious, and a little appearance-based demonization.

6/16 Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets (2023)

It takes quite a bit to get to me these days, but good gravy Marie did I need a shower after this ‘un here. I mean, Rulon and Warren Jeffs and the FLDS, that’s pretty god damn bad, but they weren’t trying to manufacture a nation of righteous soldiers that would go out and attempt to rule aaalll of christendom. Sheesh.

6/23 Class Of 1999 (1990)

Jorge and I watched this for another Tubi Tuesday episode. That’s where we go through Tubi and write down 6 titles we come across that neither of us has seen. We write these on a 6-sided dry erase die, roll it, watch whatever comes up, and review it. Why Tubi? Funny you should ask. A) It’s free. B) Their horror selection is kicking a bunch of other services’ asses right now. As for the movie, first, I love the fact that in 1990 this was someone’s vision of teenagers a mere 9 years later. High schools have become ultraviolent to the point where some exist in freefire zones that the police won’t venture into. Funny enough, news crews will, no problem. Ultimately, we didn’t hate this. It has its fun moments. There’s a drug that gets snorted out of what looks like a AA battery. Things explode for no reason. Everyone looks like a rejected extra from The Lost Boys. Pam Grier is an evil robot (for the record, if an evil Pam Grier robot had rolled up on 1990 me and said menacingly that she wanted to “educate” me, I’d jump in the car).

6/23 Whisper (2007)

Kids are usually creepy, especially super-mature but small kids dressed like adults. So there’s that. Anyway, I watch a few horror reviewers on the YouTubes, and one of my go-to folks is Kainan Becker and his channel Ghost Pirate Entertainment. I’ve probably mentioned him before and no doubt will again since every month at least one movie I’ve watched is something I picked up on his channel. This is one of ’em, but as simpatico as his opinions and mine seem to be, this one for me kinda trips on the goal line. I was with it right up to the final payoff, and that was enough to bring the whole structure crashing down. To be fair, I’m never a fan of the kind of ending Whisper provided, so it may very well just be me. Would I say go ahead and give it a shot? Yes, for sure.

6/24 Black Mirror Season 6 (2023)

I for the most part liked this but find it the weakest season thus far. I’ve always considered Black Mirror to be a kind of high tech Twilight Zone, and it’s that technology edge that made the series so effective and unnerving for me. Everything that happens is predicated on one of the following:
-It uses technology we already have (National Anthem, Shut Up And Dance)
-Technology we already have could plausibly be used this way in the near future (Nosedive)
-Technology we don’t have seems extremely plausible (The Entire History Of You, Playtest, San Junipero)
So one of my major problems with S6 is that three episodes utterly abandon this up grounding in tech we’ve had up til now. Now, on one end, Demon 79 gets a bit of a pass because it just has such a grindhouse look now and then. Mazey Day leaves tech behind in a particularly egregious manner, to the point where I found myself saying out loud, “Seriously? This is where this one’s going? Really?” I won’t say more for those of you what ain’t seen it yet, but don’t get your hopes up. Joan Is Awful was okay enough I suppose, but multiple reality stuff makes my head hurt about as badly as time travel. A high point is Beyond The Sea which, whew, ain’t gonna give ya dancin’ feet.

In which Jorge and JT introduce yet another Podferatu feature: Tubi Tuesday. This is where we take 6 movies from Tubi we haven’t seen, write the titles on a 6-sided dry erase die, roll it, and watch whatever comes up. What could go wrong?

NEXT WEEK
Movies From The Years We Were Born

LINKS
https://linktr.ee/podferatu
Skull logo by Erik Leach @erikleach_art (Instagram)
Theme:  Netherworld Shanty, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

                  

So my friend-slash-colleague Cinema Parrot Disco recently weighed in on The Abominable Dr. Phibes. This enticed me to slink down into the ol’ crypt here at Castle Blogferatu and dust off my old Dr. Phibes post in her honor.

There was a time in my delusional, misspent early adolescence during the equally delusional early 80s when I wanted to play the organ. It was because of Vincent Price. I’d seen both Dr. Phibes movies a few times throughout the 70s and 80s and was a big Vincent Price fan long before that, but, man, was Dr. Anton Phibes ever it.

S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Hydra. T.H.R.U.S.H.– rank amateurs next to Anton Phibes. You have to go to Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir’s Destroyer series, also in the 70s, to find villains operating at this level of sinister creativity.

Phibes’s appeal, aside from Vincent Damn Price, stems from two characteristics. First is his motivation. Like some camped up cross between the Phantom Of The Opera and Dr. Orloff, everything Phibes does is for love.

Obsessive? Indeed. Sociopathic? To be sure. But love nonetheless (incidentally, one can anagrammificate Dr. Anton Phibes into Phanto ‘N Brides, and he is constantly accompanied by his dead wife, Victoria, and his assistant, Vulnavia, which one can anagrammatize into Vulvania, so, yeah, there’s that).

Second, Dr. Phibes can be seen not so much as a villain but more as a tragic, quasi-Gothic figure. Think about it. From Walpole to Radcliffe to Faulkner, there is precious little variation in the elements of the standard Gothic tale.

Eccentric recluse. Possibly wealthy, often an artistic/scientific/scholarly genius. Phibes is a renowned concert organist as well as a doctor of theology. He builds his own clockwork orchestra (a bit reminiscent of Morpho in The Awful Dr. Orloff) and mechanizes his destroyed voice. Check.

Mysterious servant. Often silent. Tobe in “A Rose For Emily,” Mrs. Danvers in Rebecca, the aforementioned Morpho, Caligari’s Cesare, and now, Vulnavia. Check.

Creatively ghastly deaths. Some of my all-time favorite death machines show up in these two movies. In third place, the giant scorpion trap–the best part is the fact that the victim has a chance to unlock the device, predating the Saw franchise by decades (to be fair, both borrow heavily from the glory days of EC’s Tales From The Crypt). A close second, the telephone spike through the ears.

Hands down, first place has to be the head-crushing frog mask. Truly, these are three of my Top Ten Favorite Murders (another post for another time, true believers).

Honorable mentions include exsanguination, death by hail machine, and skewering by the horn of a brass unicorn head launched from another location. I’m willing anytime to stack that up against the death by giant falling helmet that starts Castle Of Otranto. Giant red check.

Supernatural incidents. Phibes is dead. I know what you’re thinking: Phibes says, “I was told after my crash that I would never speak again!” Doesn’t that imply that he isn’t dead? I suggest thinking less rationally and, again, more Gothically, and let me remind you, giant fucking helmet. He informs us himself that he’s dead at least twice. We’re not always clear at first if he’s being metaphorical, and for a while it’s kind of being toyed with. But yeah. He’s dead. And why not? It’s a horror movie. Once more, check.

The ghost, memory, legacy, and/or body of a dead spouse or lover. At the end of The Abominable Dr. Phibes, in a scene right out of “A Rose For Emily,” Phibes entombs himself with the body of his dead wife, his obsession with whom drives his every action. Check.

In the end, Victoria and Vulnavia by his side, Phibes escapes down The River Of Life. There is no retribution, no reckoning. Why should there be? Like Faulkner’s Emily, everyone Phibes kills not only has it coming, but isn’t even remotely likeable.

One might argue Dr. Phibes is clearly willing to take human lives. He tries to kill Dr. Vesalius’s son in The Abominable Dr. Phibes, and Biederbeck’s wife in Dr. Phibes Rises Again. I would argue they are the only two victims Phibes fails to kill. In other words, the best part, the part I love most–Phibes triumphs.

Well played, doctor, well played.

SKULLS
The Abominable Dr. Phibes 5
Dr. Phibes Rises Again 4
BODIES
The Abominable Dr. Phibes- 6 onscreen, 4 offscreen
Dr. Phibes Rises Again- 7 onscreen

P.S. It’s worth mentioning that remake talk has been circulating for some time. There’s been no official word yet to, but the hot rumors always involve Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Phibes. Yes please.

In which Jorge and JT clip on their Miskatonic University ID cards and join Dr. Herbert West in his quest to put and end to mortality.

NEXT WEEK
Tubi Tuesday: The Killer Eye (1999)

LINKS
https://linktr.ee/podferatu
Skull logo by Erik Leach @erikleach_art (Instagram)
Theme:  Netherworld Shanty, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

In which Jorge and JT dust off the proton packs and fire up Ye Olde Tyme Machine for a look at their favorite science fiction horror.

TOPICS
Altered States
Antiviral
Circle
The Color Out Of Space (and others)
Extraterrestrial
The Invisible Man
Monkey Shines
Scanners
They Live
The Tingler

NEXT WEEK
The Re-Animator Trilogy

LINKS
https://linktr.ee/podferatu
Skull logo by Erik Leach @erikleach_art (Instagram)
Theme:  Netherworld Shanty, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

5/1 Onibaba (1964)

I’ve been meaning to get to this forever, and wowzers was it ever worth the wait. The supernatural element is first rate of course, but the three main characters also have a despicable, everyone is horrible kind of film noir vibe that makes an already mesmerizing film even more intensely watchable. Two women, a younger woman and her mother-in-law, waylay wandering samurai, kill them, and sell off their stuff. A deserter named Hachi returns home and muscles in on this and on the daughter-in-law. There’s a mask. And a curse. And a strange ending.

5 SKULLS

5/4 The Crawlers (1990)

At the other end of the spectrum, was…this. I don’t know where I even heard about this or why I decided I had to watch it, but damn. This was so not good that not only did I forget what it was about, but when I looked it up, I could still barely remember it. Hazardous waste creates killer tree roots. It’s like someone took the tree root scene from Evil Dead and tried to make it into an entire movie. But it gets worse. Remember the octopus/Lugosi fight scene in Bride Of The Monster? Same kind of “acting,” same level of greatness.

.5 SKULLS

5/14 Hex Hollow: Witchcraft And Murder In Pennsylvania (2015)

I do love a creepy documentary, and what could be creepier than a guy who was supposedly killed for using witchcraft or “pow wow” on his neighbors, especially not super-far from where I grew up? Well, turns out that this managed to be boring as all get out, so boring in fact, that I apparently blocked out having watched it before until I’d gotten about 20 minutes in.

1 SKULL

5/16 Matriarch (2022)

May was full of extremes. Onibaba, then The Crawlers, then Hex Hollow, then a big ol’ pendulum swing back to Coolsville with Matriarch. This was cuh-reepy as hell thanks in no small part to Kate Dickie (who I loved in Red Road nearly a decade before her dry dive in Game Of Thrones thank you very much). I can’t think of anything I’ve seen her in where she’s not unnerving at least in some small way, and she more than carries this body/folk horror combo.

4.5 SKULLS

5/18 Bride Of Re-Animator (1990)

I had to watch this (and the next one) because Jorge and I decided to discuss the trilogy for Podferatu. They were fun more or less. I don’t think they hold up to the first one very successfully, and this one in particular is bonkers in the sense that the plot jumps around all over the place. There’s lotsa stuff that just doesn’t make sense. Combs is enjoyable, but for me just doesn’t deliver West’s same sense of snide self-satisfaction from Re-Animator.

2.5 SKULLS

5/18 Beyond Re-Animator (2003)

A more cohesive plot involving West in prison and taking up his usual shenaniganry, but still a number of problems. First of all, zero explanation of how West survived the end of the second movie. Second, a mid-credit dick joke? We really had to go there?

2.5 SKULLS

5/20 Clock (2023)

This was severely disappointing and carried two troubling messages. First, if you’re a woman and don’t want kids, there’s something wrong with you. Second, that also makes you expendable. I have to go with Cinema Parrot Disco on this one: ” just ended up being a dumb film & a dull horror. Not the first time a decent poster fooled me into watching a bad movie! And it won’t be the last.” Same my friend, same (but with trailers). I also totally did not get the ending of this movie, but I don’t want to spoil the ending for those of you who plan to flush 90 minutes down the shitter watch this at some point. But if it’s the kind of ending that I suspect it might be, well that’s just lame lame lame.

1.5 SKULLS

5/22 Dawn Breaks Behind The Eyes

So Clock I watched before I saw CPD’s review. This one I checked out because of Film Miasma. He friggin’ hated this, so being such kindred spirits, I just had to, had to see just how bad it was for meself.

Woof.

It was so bad I wrote it up, so I won’t be wasting any more precious verbiage on it here.

1 SKULL

5/24 Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

Ugh. It pains me how cute, entertaining, and superfun this was because it is after all under the auspices of Hasbro and WotC who spent a good portion of the last 365 days or so throwing around their corporate flab and demonstrating their shocking disdain and contempt for their consumers and fan base whom they by and large regarded as idiots only to find out that, uh oh, they aren’t idiots after all. And yet, here we are. Like I said, fun, almost Bullet Train (the best time I’ve had watching a movie in a long time) fun. And of course, as an avid D&D player (at least until I abandon it for Pathfinder), I’m obligated to weigh in on the tiefling druid owlbear question. The correct verdict is this: holy fuck is that so not interesting. And if you want a take on this that is interesting, check out Dungeons & Discourse.

4.5 SKULLS

5/31 Smoke And Mirrors: The Story Of Tom Savini (2015)

I want to like this more than I did. I love love love Savini. The man is a damn legend and is apparently a decent and humble guy, so how did this movie end up being so… meh? I mean, it was fine, and I found out some interesting stuff I didn’t know, but… meh. For some persepective, I watched all 3+ hours of Woodlands Dark And Days Bewitched in one go and loved every second of it, but Smoke And Mirrors? Yeah, not quite so riveting as that or as riveting as it could have been.

3 SKULLS